Over the past few years, I have been a coach of small group leaders. Recently, I was hired as the point leader for small groups at a new church focused on reaching GenX. When I accepted this position, I thought I had coaching all figured out. No problem! All I had to do was tell my leaders everything I knew about small groups. Boy, was I wrong! Here are some misunderstandings that I have recognized over the past few months that has helped me transform my own small group leader coaching ministry.
- The first misunderstanding I had about coaching was that coaching is primarily about leadership skill development. I thought all I needed to do was pass along all I knew about leading a small group, like how to facilitate a discussion, or how to have prayer time or how to birth a new group. Although leadership skill development is an important part of coaching, it's not the only thing. What I learned was coaching is also about personal development. As a coach, I can't just worry about a person's leadership skills. I need to also make sure the leader's personal and spiritual lives are being developed at the same time as their leadership skills are being developed. As I was focusing on their skill development, I was neglecting their spiritual and personal development and leaders were starting to feel used and devalued. I have found that having a plan to develop all areas of the leader's life helped me make sure one area wasn't over-emphasized.
- The second misunderstanding I had about coaching was that coaching would not take much time. I used to think 15 minutes every so often with a leader would be enough time. I would get an update on what material they were going through, how their apprentice leader was doing, and if they needed me to help in anyway. The truth is that coaching takes a lot of time. Time is a valued and often scarce commodity in today's society. When I spend time with a leader, they know that they are important and what they are doing is important. When I sit down with a leader and listen (instead of me doing all the talking) to what's going on in their lives and in their groups, I'm making deposits into their emotional bank accounts. I'm filling them up so they have something to give to their group members. I've learned it's best to schedule these times weeks and months in advance so they don't get crowded out by other activities.
- A third misunderstanding I had about coaching was that coaching is easy. I thought my leaders would have the same level of passion for small groups that I had. Why weren't they filling up my inbox with requests for more information and responsibilities? I would say that most of the leaders do want to become more effective leaders. However, I've learned that it was my responsibility as their coach to create a hunger and thirst in small group leaders. A coach can create this appetite by casting a compelling vision. Every time I meet with a small group leader, I recast the vision of small groups. Actually, I try to recast the vision every 14 to 21 days. I never want them to forget what God has called us to accomplish. When a leader understands and owns the vision, they will devote their lives to establishing biblical community in their small groups. The best way I have found to cast vision is through testimonies. I get group members to tell how being in a small group has changed them and I get leaders to tell how they have been changed through leading a group. I don't know of anyone who gets tired of hearing how God is working in peoples' lives.
- The fourth misunderstanding I had was that coaching is an individual effort. I love football! My favorite coaches in football are Brian Billick, Jon Gruden and Dick Jauron. I like these guys because they are natural leaders with strong personalities. Everyone knows they are the true leaders of their teams. Unfortunately, this attitude has carried over into my coaching of small group leaders. I want to be the coach that everyone looks to. I have a desire to be known as the leader. The truth is, coaching should be done in community. I need to set aside urges to do coaching on my own and include others just as I ask my leaders to have someone they are preparing for future leadership. I also need to have someone I'm mentoring that will be a coach one-day. The trap I fell into believing was my apprentice coach had to be someone who could coach tomorrow. I now plan to spend six months to a year with my apprentice, so I know they will be fully equipped when they are on their own.
I know I've made my share of mistakes. Probably in another year, I could write another four misunderstandings I've had about coaching. But once I got over these hurdles, I started to see growth in our leaders and in our small groups. Hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes so you will be that much farther ahead of the game.
