My wife and I were standing in our yard yesterday, and I was grimly pointing out all the problem areas—shrubs that did not survive winter, azalea bushes infested with lacebugs, undesirable chickweed, dandelions, and wild onions flourishing in the same circular brown patches where our carefully fertilized and sprayed centipede grass is gradually being consumed by some kind of killer fungus (Bunny Trail Question: Why don't my WEEDS ever get diseased and/or eaten by bugs?!). My wife listened to my garden grumbling for several minutes and then said softly, "You want heaven."
She is right. I want Eden—Paradise—the new heavens and new earth promised in Revelation. I hunger for a perfect world, and not only where my lawn is concerned. I want a body that does not ache or tire, a mind that can always recall names and facts, and children who never hurt or make bad choices. As a small group leader and pastor, I want perfect community—rich, deep, life-changing—right here, right now.
Imagine that…groups that gel instantly. Imagine groups that practice absolute acceptance and authenticity, groups marked by total grace and truth, groups that reach out and pull unchurched people in, without sacrificing one iota of openness. Imagine group members who unfailingly demonstrate supernatural love, humility, and a willingness to serve and groups comprised of true soul mates and marked by "otherworld" connection.
While it is not wrong to hope for and imagine those things, it can be deadly to demand those things in a world ravaged by the Fall. In his classic work, Life Together, German pastor Dietrich Bonhoeffer warned: "The serious Christian, set down for the first time in a Christian community, is likely to bring with him a very definite idea of what Christian life together should be and to try to realize it. But God's grace quickly shatters such dreams….By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world."
Bonhoeffer went on to say that the person who insists on his or her own vision of community, rather than the community that actually exists, becomes proud and judgmental. "When things do not go his way, he calls the effort a failure. When his ideal picture is destroyed, he sees the community going to smash. So he becomes, first an accuser of his brethren, then an accuser of God, and finally the despairing accuser of himself."
Lest we end up in that ugly place, here are three bedrock realities to cling to as we experience the varying levels of community.
Community is a gift. A couple of years ago I led two groups—one on Wednesday nights, and one on Thursdays. The Wednesday group bonded and enjoyed deep soul-baring intimacy. People wrestled openly with tough stuff. Friendships formed. Nobody missed the chance to get together. Meanwhile, the Thursday group was painfully superficial. Despite cookouts, socials and other attempts to facilitate bonding, members remained aloof when they bothered to show up at all. What made the difference?
We are always tempted to look for formulas and principles that, if followed, will result in rich community. A certain church experiences great blessing in this area, and before anyone can say, "Serendipity," there is a conference and best-selling book—"Here is how we did it…" and (at least by implication) this is how you can reproduce this kind of koinonia in your own church." Closer to home, one small group in your church "clicks" in an amazing way. Instantly, all the other small group leaders want to know what that leader did, what techniques he or she used, so they can duplicate the results. The problem with this sort of thinking is that our snowflake-making God does not seem to feel the least bit obligated to mass produce identical outcomes. What makes us think we could ever hope to control or manipulate our sovereign Lord? It is a deep mystery, but the things God blesses in one place, He does not always choose to bless in another. Some godly leaders enjoy success and acclaim. Other equally Christ-like leaders labor for years in obscurity and without any apparent signs of blessing. Maybe, when all is said and done, the deepest and richest experiences of community are a gift from God? Maybe community, like salvation itself, is by grace, through faith (Ephesians 2:8-9)?
Community is never static. A group's dynamics continually vary as life events unfold and people come and go. The early church surely grappled with this--unforeseen situations (see Acts 8:1) and a constantly changing cast of characters (Acts 15:36-40) that disrupted the status quo and/or the plans in place. We need to get comfortable with the fact that change, while not always "fun," is inevitable.
When one endearing and especially transparent young man left my Wednesday group, followed by a salt-of-the-earth type couple, the quality of our fellowship suffered. When several others took their place, the personality of the group changed again. The point is that as we experience the gift of community, others will naturally be intrigued and want to come participate in what God is doing in our midst. Their presence will make our community experience better in some ways, but worse in others. The point? If your group has a meeting or even a season of unusually rich connection, enjoy it, but do not expect it to last. You may as well try to lasso the wind.
Community, at whatever level God chooses to grant it, comes to those who work and wait. W-O-R-K and W-A-I-T are surely two of our least favorite four-letter words, yet there is no denying that both are part of God's program. As one wise old saint put it, "We should pray like everything depends on God and work like everything depends on us."
We are in community with the Trinity (1 John 1:3). We are partners with God in the Great Commandment task of helping people connect with Him and with each other. So…let us do all we can to succeed. Pray faithfully. Read good books about how to build deeper, better community. Attend small group conferences. Pick the brains of experts. Listen to the stories of fellow leaders. Experiment. Do all you possibly can to hone (and use) your community-building skills. Then, leave the results to God. Wait and watch for what He chooses to do. Remember, He is the ultimate builder of the Church. We are just servants.
To sum up, enjoy whatever moments of rich community you are given, and continue to hope for that perfect community you will have in heaven. Live without grumbling, and hope without demanding.
