One evening, a young family who had attended our fellowship for a couple of months showed up at the Lifegroup which my wife, Marcy, and I led. We were surprised and delighted.
The twelve adults and handful of children in attendance enjoyed an excellent time of worship. We then dismissed the younger kids with an adult supervisor and discussed the Sunday message in order to explore how we might apply the message in our lives.
The behavior of the new couple's husband was loud, obnoxious, rude, and rough. Bret (name changed) occasionally interrupted people who were speaking, especially his wife. Rather than getting up and going to speak with his misbehaving children, he yelled at his kids from where he sat. I observed the body language of the rest of the group, especially that of my married daughter. I know her well enough to note that her mercy gift was overwhelmed; she was on the verge of rejecting this out-of-control man.
As I waited for wisdom from God, I realized what the Lord wanted us to do. I addressed it publicly. "OK everybody. Hold up. Listen, we've got a problem here. Bret, do you mind if I point out something that you're doing that is harmful to you and us?" He looked surprised, but, as I suspected, he was very open to this teaching moment (Remember, he was not a stranger to us; this was merely his first time at a Lifegroup).
I asked the group, "How do you feel about Bret's behavior?" People hesitantly began to give Bret some gentle, rather timid feedback. Some of the adjectives used to describe his behaviors were obnoxious, rude, loud, and verbally abusive.
"There are lots of reasons for us to write him off, to reject Bret," I said. "I am convinced that may be Satan's plan for him. I believe that if we reject him, we play right into the hands of whatever it is that causes him to behave in this manner. What do you think God's plan is?"I paused long enough to let it sink in.
Then, I looked directly at Bret. We made eye contact. "Bret … I was tempted tonight to partner with the wrong spirit. It was not the Holy Spirit. I almost partnered with 'rejection.' I myself have been affected by it and recognize it when I see it. Rejection either makes us feel rejected ourselves or tempts us to reject others. I want you to know right now that God does not reject you, and neither will I." Sitting on the edges of their seats, the group members were astonished. "Would you please forgive me?" I said.
"Yeah, I do," he said.
Then, I addressed the group. "Brothers and sisters, will you join me in a commitment to Bret and his family, that we will accept him and love him so that many of these behaviors can be transformed?" Several people agreed and affirmed to Bret what I had offered.
Tears ran down Bret's cheeks. Then he broke into uncontrollable sobbing. He went on his knees. His wife comforted him. I asked those who consistently flow in the gift of mercy to minister to him. They moved to the couple and prayed. He continued weeping for a time. When he was able to speak and we were finished praying, he spoke. "Please forgive me." Sniffling and wiping tears with Kleenex. "I don't know why I act the way I do. All my life people have just dumped me, beginning with my mother. I was raised by my grandmother. I have never felt accepted like I feel here tonight." Choking back tears. "Please don't give up on me."
Bret had a powerful encounter with the living Christ in the midst of the people of God. I KNOW that the Lord led that time and our response to accept, not reject Bret. Honestly, everything in me was repulsed and my response would have been to quietly reject him. God's love won over all of us that night. Since then, we have seen tremendous growth, not only in Bret, but in his wife and children. We have also witnessed greater growth in love in each one of us in the group.
What is it that characterizes breakthrough moments like this one that transform lives and groups? Having spent years analyzing our breakthroughs, Marcy and I have distilled three foundational principles:
1. Jesus at the Center
Things happen when Jesus shows up. The group (cell, Lifegroup, holistic small group, etc.) must agree upon a foundational reality—Jesus at the Center. Christ as the head of the church must be at the center of every meeting of the body.Most of us have no problem with this concept intellectually. Of course Jesus is central in the church. The real issue lies in the fact that we do not often see the small group as "the church." However, every meeting of two or more, centered on Jesus, is the church. Would anyone propose that in persecuted countries where only a handful can gather in a home that they are not the church in that location? Jesus is with them. The gifts of the Holy Spirit are manifest as the Spirit directs, resulting in changed lives.
Even study or discussion groups that do not intentionally set Jesus as their most important member sometimes stumble into breakthroughs by departing from their agendas and moving into ministry. We have all experienced this. Sadly, it too often happens when group is dismissed and people linger and begin real sharing. Only then does Jesus get the freedom to be central in our meeting.
This course-adjustment—making Christ central in the group—is not difficult to make, but must be intentional because it is requisite to breakthrough ministry in small groups.
2. Agreed Upon Basic Attitudes
Openness
Breakthroughs come when we are open and willing to receive from the Lord and from one another. This transparency is essential to breakthrough moments. Honesty—truth telling—is commanded in the new life both by the leaders and the people (Eph. 4:15; cf. v. 25). When we speak the truth in these small gatherings of the body, we initiate and deepen relationships. According to scripture, these relationships hold us together in Christ and provide a safe, healing environment for change (v.16).
Strongholds hinder breakthrough moments. Bringing the hidden into the light and speaking openly and truthfully will expose and demolish the strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4-6).
Acceptance vs. Rejection.
God wants us to accept one another (Rom. 15.7 NIV). Therefore, we have to stop finding fault with each other. Fault-finding leads to rejection. Our Father intends for us to be like him, accepting one another with all our pimples and blemishes. Acceptance defeats the rejection which many of us have had to battle all our lives. Experiencing acceptance puts us in the place of rest and peace. We no longer have to prove ourselves or act a certain way to be loved.Bret has experienced authentic acceptance. We did not ask him to alter his behavior, we simply pointed it out to him. Then, we changed OURS. When we, as a group, choose to "accept," we love people as our Father loves. This pleases Him, and He orchestrates the ensuing breakthroughs.
3. A Lifestyle of Community.
A Lifestyle of Community is what Jesus calls us to. He died to save and invite us into relationship, a love relationship with God and a love relationship with his children. Though Jesus saved us as individuals, His Spirit has baptized us into a group—a family—that is learning to love (1 Corinthians 12:13-14). If we miss this, we do not yet fully understand God's purpose for the church (check out 1 Cor. 13.2, 13). Our theology must result in love or we have missed God's will for us (Gal. 5:6; cf. 1 Tim. 1.5). This truth is a foundational, apostolic doctrine and is unarguable.
Jesus died to redeem "a people"—a family—ready to love others (Tit. 2:14). We encourage one another to this lifestyle of love. In our Lifegroups, we seek to exchange a "meeting-mentality" for daily contact and interaction with the family. We touch each others' lives throughout the week. Our homes and lives are open to one another. We share with each other food, tools, DVD's, cars, or whatever the Lord leads us to share with one another. This is the lifestyle we see in Acts 2:42-47; 4:32-35. This is the lifestyle we emulate. We do not demand it; we encourage it by example.
Sometimes we help a single mom with chores that would be impossible for her to accomplish on her own. We paint trim on a weekend. We stack wood for one of our older members. We love, not only in word but in deed, throughout the week.
A lifestyle of such moments flows from gathering together and inviting Jesus to be at the center of our time, in and outside of our "meetings." The result of this lifestyle is breakthroughs. These breakthroughs generate pure joy and irrepressible enthusiasm.
Breakthrough moments not only transform the individual, but they transform the group. Transformed groups ardently anticipate Christ to be present among them (Emmanuel), agree upon biblical attitudes, and practice a lifestyle of community throughout the week. As a result, they experience personal growth and authentic community. They transform their churches and impact their community for Christ and His Kingdom.
