Small Groups

If there is one thing that is true about small groups, it is that there are some common issues that happen in almost every group. These can be relatively small in scope, or they can become group destroyers. However, all of them can be avoided with just a bit of planning.

1. I usually ask new leaders what they fear the most about starting a small group. Invariably, they tell me that they fear hosting a group that experiences poor attendance. In other words, what happens if people do not show up? Even worse, what happens if they come the first time and then do not come back? Usually this fear is not justified. Many new leaders simply lack the confidence that God will use them in a great way! However, there are also a few things a leader can do to build consistent attendance for group life.
   
   
   • First, always meet in the same place and at the same time. This is vital for the first three months of group life. The reason is simple: group members need to get in the habit of meeting. Putting best intentions aside, people are very busy and many lead overloaded lives. Having a consistent time and place will help them incorporate small group into their routine. I give the illustration of a couple coming home from work. They rush to get the kids started on homework, and dinner is not ready. Then, they remember that group is meeting. The problem is that they have forgotten where the meeting is, or they have lost the map. At that moment, it is far too easy to simply say, "Let's blow it off tonight." You limit excuses with meeting consistently at the same time and place.
     
     
   • Secondly, leaders should communicate between the meetings to encourage community development and foster growth towards strong relationships. It has been said that more happens between group meetings than at the meeting itself. The more you communicate, either by voice or electronically, the stronger your group commitment will be. Also, encourage members to get together socially beyond the meeting date. This usually takes time to develop, but you must champion the idea if you ever want it to become normal in your group.
     
     
2. Many groups are far too committed to the curriculum. Don't get me wrong, study is important and groups should have good habits for learning and sharing together. The problem is that most groups get too involved in the study, answering the questions and taking notes in a workbook, that they do not spend the time focusing on one another. Time to focus on needs and issues that are a part of group members lives is also vitally important. I always suggest that groups pick curriculum that draws people closer to one another. DVD based curriculum, especially the Life Together material from Zondervan, will do just that. When we get too focused on going deep in study, groups usually sacrifice their relational experiences. My experience is that curriculum-focused groups tend to have less meaningful prayer and worship expressions as they are too anxious to "get into the study." Here are several rules to remember when picking curriculum for groups:
   
   
   • Rule 1. Never choose a demanding study for a new group. When groups are beginning, the focus needs to be on one another, not on study habits.
     
     
   • Rule 2 – Never study Revelation or Ezekiel in a small group unless the group has been together for a few years and everyone is a believer.
     
     
   • Rule 3 – Initially, never choose a study that demands homework. If your group members tell you they will do homework, they are only fooling themselves! Publishing companies have made a mint developing workbooks that rarely get used. Also, homework is a great reason for people to skip coming. We were taught in school, "Don't come to school unprepared." As adults, group members would rather skip group than face friends after having not done their homework. After they have missed a few meetings, they will usually stop attending your group. No curriculum is worth losing anyone over! It is better to leave the homework for church Bible studies or classes.
     
     
   • Rule 4 – Never think that you have to answer all the questions on the page! If there are nine questions on the subject, pick the ones you think will be best for your group. Do this ahead of time. If you do not get through the questions, simply resume next time you meet. If Jesus comes back before you meet again, do not worry. He will give you the answers! That leads to the final rule.
     
     
   • Rule 5 – Do not let your group study time go beyond an hour. People begin to zone out after thirty minutes. The longer you go in study, the greater chance you take at losing people's interest.
     
     
3. The leader asks, "What do I do about those that talk too much?" OR "How do I get them to talk at all?" These are some pretty hot issues that many leaders struggle with on a regular basis.
   
   
   • "What do I do with folks that talk too much?" Almost everyone I know who possess the "gift of gab" know that they talk too much. Others have told them this truth. By the time they get in a group, they have honed their talents into a fine art form. Here is the secret of how to keep some balance and control in group conversations. "Talk about it when the group first begins." How does this happen? I suggest that a group leader say something like this during the first meeting: "Some of you have the gift of gab, and you know who you are! Therefore, I am going to set boundaries for our communication. When you see me pulling on my left ear, that is my secret sign that you are going dangerously close to overboard in your communication. If you see me yanking on that ear, you know that you have gone overboard and that a life preserver is necessary, not for you, but for the rest of us!" Every time I have done this, the group has laughed, and when I have pulled my ears on occasion, no one is offended. If you do not talk about this early in the group's experience, then one day you will find yourself talking to your group leaders about "this person that dominates the conversation, and if I say something they will be offended and will leave." Avoid the problem by talking about the issue up front. It is a reality in group life that people become passionate about things. It is up to the leader to set boundaries.
     
     
   • The opposite problem is the silent type, the wallflower that avoids conversation altogether. The key here is not to "force" someone to participate, but to look for ways to engage them. Sharing personal information is always a good thing. Having everyone share about their walk in Christ, or their family, or even their favorite sports team is a way to begin to allow someone to safely open up. Using ice breakers is a great way to give quiet people a voice. Eventually, they will come around. They may never be a "gabby" person, but they will share. Simply give them the time to test the water, so to speak.
     
     
4. Watching the time. There is no greater problem in small groups than the continued violation of time. Beginning and ending in a timely fashion is essential if you want to have good attendance and a faithful community of people. Many well-intentioned leaders feel that the more time you spend in group study, the better the group will be. Though this may be true for monks living in a cloistered community, it is murder for most everyone else! Most curriculums are written for groups to do in about forty minutes or less. Not too long, that is what professionals with years of research have said as well. Attention spans can only go so far and can only last so long. There is also the issue of people needing to go home and get children to bed, etc. Here are my solutions to handling the issue of time management in groups:
   
   
   • Set a regular time for your group to end and do not violate it for any reason.
     
     
   • Groups should have a set time for prayer, study, fellowship and any other expressions desired by the group. Set up a system. For example, 25 minutes for fellowship and ice breakers, 45 minutes for study and sharing, and 25 minutes for prayer requests. You do not need to be rigid in this, but make sure that you do not regularly violate the times you set.
     
     
   • Remember, it is not about the curriculum, but the community.
     
     
5. Building Community. How do we get people to love Jesus and one another?
   
   
   • Leaders should relentlessly pursue the dream of community with their group members.
     
     
   • The more effort leaders make in loving their people, the greater the reward in group life.