Small Groups

"The church must not become a collection of marbles ricocheting off each another, but rather grapes that when pressed together become wine."

That was the exhortation from Dr. Joe Aldrich to his students at Multnomah Bible College years ago. However, that sense of oneness, of becoming wine, often eludes us.

Our Bible studies may have no more impact than a dull blunt sword. Our fellowship is anything but deep and intimate. We may talk about praying for our struggles and deep needs, but bold prayer seldom happens. For all our preparation as leaders, we may rarely witness the light go on in someone's eye, which signals the intervention of the Holy Spirit. What is missing?

Stories can touch the lives of others in a way that mere Bible study cannot. The problem is not Scripture, but a limited vision of how to teach Scripture in order for it to be "caught". Our faith and beliefs should lead to changed lives. Jesus used stories (parables) because they were effective in communicating truth. The Apostle Paul affirmed the value and power of our stories when he wrote in 2 Corinthians 3:2-3, "You yourselves are our letter…known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ…written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts." (italics mine)

God intends for others to "read" the story of His activity in our lives. He will use the story of one group member to explain and illustrate a biblical truth to the rest of the group. As has been said, "Changed lives change lives." In the process of sharing our stories, a sense of community is built within the group. Following are some thoughts to guide you as you explore the why and how of beginning or expanding the use of storytelling to build intimacy with God and with each other.

What is "storytelling?"

Storytelling is the personal narration of our life experiences and perceptions. It can be presented anecdotally or in the form of a report. It can be expressed in short statements or revealed through probing questions. Storytelling takes many forms, but whatever form it takes, it has a deep impact on the people who hear it.

What happens when groups share their stories?

• The storyteller's self-awareness is increased
• Similarities between members are revealed
• Trust between members is built
• Tensions between members are reduced
• Acceptance and affirmation among members are prompted

How does storytelling benefit the person, the group, and the church?

• The person learns that they can drop their mask and allow themselves to be fully known and accepted by others. It may be the first time he/she really feels free.
• The group finds that they have many common experiences and dreams through which life-long relationships can be built.
• The church family becomes more loving, open, and inclusive. It becomes better prepared to hear and to be involved in the stories of those seeking God within their community.

How can leaders encourage storytelling?

Below are just a few approaches you can use to "prime the pump" so that storytelling becomes a normal and anticipated part of your group meetings. Be creative and try your own ideas. Keep in mind that storytelling is intended to lead your members to new levels of intimacy with God and with each other. Do not attempt to force or coerce storytelling at every meeting, rather try to create an atmosphere where members feel free and safe to express the challenges and joys of their story.

• Icebreaker questions—Inserting icebreaker questions during your meetings encourages people to share their story. The trick is to, initially, ask questions that call for positive information about them ("What was the best decision your ever made?", "What situation has God used to prove your integrity?", etc.). Many books containing great questions are readily available. Some include: 201 Great Questions (Jerry Jones), 303 Icebreakers (ed. Randall Neighbour), Small Group Idea Book (ed. Cindy Bunch), and The Complete Book of Questions (Garry Poole). Benefit: members learn to trust each other with "safe" information before they are challenged to be more authentic and vulnerable.
  
  
• "Open" discussion questions—Use "open" discussion questions in your Bible study time, questions that cause people to go beyond a yes or no answer. These questions call for introspection and will reveal segments of a person's story. Benefit: people gradually become comfortable with sharing their life story by sharing in small increments.
  
  
• Neighbor Nudge—Determine, before the meeting, that at a certain point of the study you will stop and ask the group members to turn to one other person and share some aspect of their life that relates to the subject of the passage. Benefit: Some people will be more open to share privately rather than with the whole group.
  
  
• Complete the statement—This approach asks for a simple, limited response, but it requires members to open up and share areas of their life that might not otherwise come up in discussion ("One dream I still have to fulfill is…", "If I knew I couldn't fail, I'd try…", etc.). Benefit: calls for limited storytelling and "safe" personal disclosure.
  
  
• Agree/Disagree—Make a statement and ask members why they agree or disagree with it. Their "why" is where you will start to see glimpses of their story. Benefit: this approach works well in groups that already have good interaction and enjoy debate.
  
  
• "Directed" storytelling: "My Personal HIStory"—Start by explaining that you want to help the group share their stories with each other. Distribute a sheet with the outline shown below. Tell them that God led each of them into a personal relationship with Him. The story of that relationship may have been prolonged and subtle or sudden and bold. Sharing their story may help someone else in the group move closer to God. Have different members share their stories over the next several meetings.
  
  

Before I knew Jesus, I struggled with…

• Hurts
• Habits
• Hang-ups
• Challenges

I came to know Jesus as my personal Savior when…

• Key people
• Key events

Jesus has continued to change my life through…

• Significant events that shaped me like _________
• New attitudes, relationships, career, habits, etc.
• Unexpectedly providing for my physical or financial needs when ________
• Giving me ministry opportunities to serves others like _______

A favorite verse that means a lot to me is ______ because_______

What is the Leader's Role?

In the storytelling process, the leader is a catalyst, guide, clarifier, and affirmer.

• As Catalyst, the leader encourages members to share their stories by creating an open, accepting atmosphere for stories to be heard, leading the way with their own story without making it a benchmark that intimidates others from sharing.
  
  
• As Guide, the leader keeps a story focused on, and relevant to, the group's discussion by keeping the story from becoming a platform for gossip, intercepting "fixing" or judgmental comments from the group, helping the group understand the instructive and relational value of sharing their own stories.
  
  
• As Clarifier, the leader helps the person and the group get the full benefit of a story by helping the story teller recognize nuances, developments, and new chapters in their story, helping the group see parallels in the story to the overall discussion and their lives.
  
  
• As Affirmer, the leader reinforces the value of sharing stories by following up with a phone call, expressing appreciation for their courage to share, identifying areas of growth they revealed (whether they have already seen it or not), and by affirming them in front of the group.
  
  

What the leader's role is not:

• "The Answer Man" who needs to comment on and help to "fix" the storyteller.
  
  
• "The Gate Keeper" who regulates when and whose stories are worthy to be shared.
  
  

How can storytelling go wrong?

There are several dangers leaders should be aware of when people tell their stories. Three common dangers are given below, and leaders should plan ahead on how they will deal with them.

• Hurt Feelings—One danger is that, either intentionally or unintentionally, someone's feelings may be hurt. Truth may be hard to hear, even in someone else's story. The leader should observe when a story hits a nerve in another member and be sensitive to the emotions and reactions of the individual.
  
  
• Gossip—Another concern is the potential for gossip. Nothing will kill community in a group faster than gossip. No one will feel safe to share if someone shares private information outside the group. Leaders need to immediately address this violation of confidentiality, or storytelling will cease and may never happen in the group again.
  
  
• Judgmental Attitudes—A third danger is the possibility of judgmental reactions and statements from the group. It takes great courage when someone in a group takes the risk of being real in front of others. The group may assume that this is an opportunity to critique or "fix" the person. If the person feels attacked, they may never open up again, and neither will anyone else in the group. The leader should remind the group from the start that the purpose of storytelling is not correction but relationship building.
  
  

How can leaders keep storytelling appropriate?

A final caution: the leader must be wise and ensure that storytelling within the group is appropriate.

• Who should hear our stories? Storytelling needs to keep pace with the development and match the depth of the group's relationships. Early on, group members will most likely resist being too open. This is a natural concern for their safety and acceptance within the group. Similarly, when a group has guests or visitors, the deep revelations of storytelling should not be expected or coerced.
  
  
• When should storytelling happen? Too much too soon can make people feel uncomfortable. It is counterproductive to ask or manipulate people into sharing their story. Stories will come out naturally and in bits and pieces. The best way to "prime the pump" is to share your own story. Tactfully try the "approaches" given earlier in this article.
  
  
• What should storytelling include? Some things are best left unsaid. The storyteller should edit his or her own story in consideration of those present or involved in the story. If they do not, the leader may need to step in and caution the storyteller about the depth or sensitive nature of their story. Storytelling is not a place for gossip or attacks on others.
  
  

Conclusion

What is the result of storytelling in a group? Does it distract the group from biblical truth or reinforce it? Doctrine may spur constructive debate, but nothing stirs the heart like a story. For producing life-change, stories are one of the best tools available to a leader. In addition, stories bring people together and build community. Stories can break down the "relational" tensions in a group, thereby reducing the "working" tensions that may be hindering it from becoming and doing all that God planned.