Discipline is just about my least favorite word in the dictionary. The word reminds me of doing homework, going to the gym regularly, or saving money for retirement. None of these things are much fun today, but each one has a huge payback tomorrow, doesn't it?
We each have private spiritual disciplines we should practice (simplicity, meditation, solitude, prayer, service, fasting, study, stewardship, evangelism, etc.). As a small group, there are spiritual disciplines members should practice together in order to enjoy what God only gives teams of Christians who meet in His Son's name.
For a collection of believers to become that team, they must make two important connections. Connecting with Christ in a multi-person organism is the first step. Each member of a small group must be diligent to enter into a relationship with Christ that is not just private, but one that is shared with a handful of other believers who have been adopted as family. The second step, which is often more difficult, is to extend that Christ-centered group relationship to the lost—people with whom we may not think we have anything in common or who simply do not believe (or don't care) that Jesus died for their sins. These two connections are the main spiritual disciplines out of which a group's health and mission flow.
However, in the frenetic, individualistic society in which we live, both of these disciplines will be impossible to achieve and sustain without a healthy dose of transformation. We all slip back into old patterns of isolation and/or busyness when things get tough. For permanent change to occur, these two disciplines must provide an environment where your group members will be transformed into the likeness of Christ by His Spirit (2 Cor. 3:18). In summary, just practicing these group-based spiritual disciplines will not do much for your group for any length of time. The members of your group have to experience radical and permanent change for it to be sustained.
Where Two or Three Are Gathered…
You have probably heard the words of Jesus from Matt. 18:20 preached so often that you have inadvertently memorized it, right? Sorry to hit the same nail on the head repeatedly, but it so clearly explains the basis for the first spiritual discipline that it must be used again.
When your small group gathers together, Christ will be present and will move powerfully among you if each member of the group has gathered in His name to embrace whatever He wishes to do on behalf of the Father. As Christ leads, your plans as the leader may well be "trumped" by Christ within another member who suggests the group do something completely different.
To foster this kind of Christ connection in upcoming meetings, you must move beyond any ownership as its leader. It does not belong to you. It belongs to Christ within you and within the other members of the group.Christ is the leader, and He moves through whomever He chooses … the shy person, the child, or a new believer in your midst. This is the principle difference between being the leader of a meeting and facilitating a Christ-centered gathering.
I distinctly remember an evening where I was leading my small group into Christ's presence as the worship leader. After a few songs, I put down my guitar and asked the group to be silent for a minute and ask Christ what we should do next. A mature believer in our group said, "I think someone here is scared to share what Christ wants us to do among us tonight. It's time to speak up." After a few minutes of silence, and then through tears, a shy young woman read a short passage out of Hebrews. She then went on to share a word of correction for our group. The leader (which was not me, by the way) opened the response up to the group by saying, "I believe it would be best for us to use the rest of our time together tonight asking for God's forgiveness and making plans to do things differently in the future." One by one, each of us prayed, asking God to forgive us for our profound selfishness.
That night, we experienced Christ in our midst and the Christ within in a powerful, transformational way. If you were to ask anyone who was there that night, they would tell you it was a defining moment in the life of the group, moving it from a church-sponsored organization to a Christ-centered organism. This was evident in the way the group members began to pray with one another between meetings and sacrificially spend time together from that point forward.
The first spiritual discipline a small group must embrace is that Christ desires to move powerfully through each member, in and out of meetings. It requires the facilitators to be prepared, but also to be ever present for Christ's direction and open to whom He desires to use as His mouthpiece. This attitude must be adopted by each member and taken out of the meeting and into each other's lives and homes. The Christ within a new believer wants to minister to others as powerfully as the Christ within a mature small group leader.
When this kind of Christ-centered connection has been made in the group, it has entered into true biblical community and all sorts of wonderful things can now take place. Mature believers should naturally adopt younger believers for discipleship as they see the need. Transparency in meetings should become commonplace and healing will occur through speaking the truth in love. Sin can be confessed without judgment, and the group can provide accountability to walk rightly. This "ain't no run-of-the-mill Bible study" or fellowship group. Your small group will be doing church, and doing it powerfully!
The way to begin practicing this spiritual discipline is to tell your group that man might have formed the group, but Christ wishes to move among you and to transform the group into a Christ-driven team. Spend as much time listening to Christ in meetings as you might spend teaching the lesson, never forgetting that Christ will often speak through the other members of your group.
A Friend of Sinners
In Luke 7:34, Jesus remarks that he has been accused of "being a friend of tax collectors and sinners," It is important to note that Jesus was not referring to the accusation made that he called these people His friends. The deeper crime, in the minds of the Pharisees, was that the tax collectors and sinners considered Jesus a good friend. See the difference?
True friendships are bidirectional. Both persons serve one another, share deep things, love unconditionally, suspend judgment, and call each other on the phone for no reason in particular. True friendships are also characterized by spending time together when nothing really needs to be accomplished except to watch a ball game, eat a meal, or share a cup of coffee. If you practice the first discipline, this should be happening between members of your group. Now it is time to practice the second discipline for groups and to extend it to unchurched or unbelieving friends.
The "Christ in the midst" experience I mentioned above is just like manna. God instructed the Israelites not to be greedy and hoard it or it would spoil. I have been a part of a small group that has practiced the first discipline only to ignore this second discipline. The group slowly disintegrated into five members who had nothing else to do on Thursday nights. Christ came to earth to create a bridge between all men and the Father, not just your existing small group! What you will experience with Christ's powerful presence in your meetings and relationships will not continue if you do not give it away. Millions of people around you desperately need it. Biblical community is a gift to be given away, not kept. By sharing it, we get more from Christ and it is even more powerful than before.
The way to begin practicing this second group discipline is to help your group members examine a personal discipline first. Have they cultivated healthy, bidirectional friendships with lost people? Many Christians do not have one true friend outside of the church building! Others serve unbelievers in an effort to reach them for Christ, but the unbeliever would not call the Christian a friend. True friendship must be formed so the other group members can befriend the person (or what I call relational cross-pollination).
When you discover that at least one of your members has a solid friendship with a lost person, ask the member to share what they like most about the person and what the person's hobbies and interests are in an upcoming meeting. Then take time, as a group, to thank God for this person, asking Christ to move through you as a team to reach out to the person with His love.
Now that you know something about the lost people attached to your group members through a friendship, challenge your members to have dinner parties, game nights, and bbq's with other members that would be a compatible fit to simply introduce friends to friends. If your group is praying for unbelievers consistently, Christ will shine through you in special ways, and connections will be made naturally.
There are numerous spiritual disciplines we should all practice each day to strengthen our walk with Christ, deepen our faith in God, and increase our ability to resist Satan. However, this is not enough for the small group or the small group member. He or she has two more important spiritual disciplines to practice to form a loose collection of Christians into a biblical community that is integrally connected to both Christ and a lost and hurting world.
Randall Neighbour is the author of Community Life 101, A Pocket Guide To Coaching Small Groups, and The Answer Book for Small Group Leaders among other pocket books designed for small group members and leaders. He currently serves as the President of TOUCH® Outreach Ministries, Inc., http://www.cellgrouppeople.com
