I have found that many leaders of small groups think that children will bring with them difficulties that can only be resolved by having an "expert" on hand. In this article I want to give you a very simple tool that will enable every small group leader and every member to facilitate the inclusion of children very naturally, and overcome difficulties they may bring with them.
The tool is very simply "As with adults"! This simple statement can revolutionize your group (whether it is a small group for children or an intergenerational one).
Children have the same needs as adults in many areas of their lives. Most of the difficulties that are encountered are because they are expected to be totally different, and the result is that they behave differently. In handling difficult people, (including children) I often start by examining my own approach and heart towards them—looking at my relationship and interaction with them and that of the rest of the small group. Are their relational needs being appropriately met? Relationship is a key that will resolve many difficulties and build a bridge that can be crossed by others.
I have done a brainstorm on what an adult needs as a member of a small group. Responses can be varied but they include:
To meet with Jesus
Fun
Friendships
Encouragement
Unconditional love and acceptance
Accountability
Support in reaching unsaved friends etc
Then we look at the list and see how many of these a child would not need. Always we find it is the same, so it is "as with adults". From this baseline we can begin to adjust our thinking when we encounter difficult children. Sadly, when difficulties arise with children, completely different attitudes and actions emerge: exclude children from our group, shout at them, roughly handle them, or ignore them. Yet we would see this as completely inappropriate with adults!
The following list has an element of fun but, as you read it, you will see the principle in action and understand how problems that some children exhibit can be prevented by the adjustment of our own attitudes aligning with "As with Adults!" Prevention is better than cure!
- The children need to know that it is their cell meeting not their playtime. As with adults!
- Do not use long words or religious language. The children will understand better if you keep things on their level. As with adults (especially new believers)!
- Do not move on too quickly without checking the children have understood. As with adults!
- Remember that children have a range of understanding that may not be reflected by their age. As with adults!
- Ensure that no child is excluded from conversation and interaction or they will become bored. As with adults!
- Follow up a child’s comments, treat their input seriously. As with adults!
- Ask for their opinions and ideas. As with adults!
- Follow up any problems they may have. As with adults!
- Make sure they are not all sitting too close together. As with some adults!
- Have expectations and standards relevant to their age (i.e. no crawling around the floor during the meeting). As with adults!
- Support, encourage and follow up the children. As with adults!
- Do not have too many "broken wing" children in one cell. As with adults!
- Raise them as a generation who are discipled and know how to win and disciple their friends. As with adults!
- You may find it hard to accommodate some children; you may find it hard to accommodate some adults. Prayer and relationship will give breakthroughs for both!
By applying this principle you can solve your own difficulties:
Question: What do I do if a child does not want to attend cell meetings?
Think: What would you do if an adult did not want to attend?
Visit them; ask if there was any way the cell could make a difference, build relationship with them etc.
As with adults!
Question: What would I do in a cell meeting if a child were reluctant to take part?
Think: What would I do if an adult was reluctant to take part?
Break into twos or threes so they can speak in a smaller setting, validate them, see if there are any reasons why they might not feel safe enough to speak out in the group
As with adults!
Question: What would I do if a child is behaving inappropriately
Think: What would I do if an adult were behaving inappropriately?
Talk with them quietly before or after the cell meeting, visit them and see if there was a problem that could be addressed, build relationship with them so they would be open to receive help or discipline, pray for them, minister to them etc.
As with adults
Question: How can I build relationship with a child?
Think: How do I build friendship with an adult?
Spend time with them, visit them in their home, remember their birthdays, take an interest in things that are important to them, speak to them when I see them, sit next to them
As with adults
Now compete your own!
Questions: What do I expect a child to gain by being part of the cell?
Think: What do I expect an adult to gain by being part of the cell?
……………………………………………………………………
As with adults!
I conclude by adding that I am aware that children do have areas where they have different needs from adults BUT, if the "As with adults" principle is applied to your cell you will immediately rise to a new paradigm and liberate every cell member to be able to respond, relate to and mobilize children.
One addition with children must be to communicate with their parents and include them in the process of handling the difficulty, but "As with adults" can help that too!
Many of the difficulties will disappear and for those that remain you will have a tool to use. As with Adults!!!!
