I don't know why I was so surprised. After all, it had been my own experience most of my ministry life. The fact that a pastor living in my community was the least known person in the neighborhood should simply have made sense, but it did not.
I was standing in the street with a dozen or so people from my neighborhood. We all were new to the community, as it was a new construction subdivision. All of us had moved into new homes within the previous two months. One of my neighbors said, "I love this neighborhood! The people are so friendly! I've never lived anywhere where I knew so many of my neighbors." Someone else remarked, "It's because we are all new to the community. We have much in common and it draws us together."
What she said was true. Our common experience of getting rid of moving boxes, dealing with water leaks and other construction snafus, and trying to get grass to grow brought us together in unique ways. One had to work hard not to know his or her neighbors.
That is exactly what one family had done. As my neighbors and I delighted in our new-found relationships, one woman remarked, "There is only one family on the block I do not know." She pointed out the house right next to my own where the family she referred to lived. Others began exclaiming that they did not know the family either. Many observed that rarely was anyone seen home at the residence. Finally one person said, "I've been told he is a pastor."
I wanted to crawl into my skin. I had met the man who lived next door to me, and yes, he was a pastor … a very busy pastor. So busy, in fact, that he had no time to meet or interact with his neighbors.
I would like to say the feelings overwhelming me as I stood among my friendly neighbors stemmed solely from this other pastor's behavior. The real source of my feelings, though, came because of my own behavior. With the best of them, I had spent years being busy enough doing God's work that I lacked enough time to interact with people. My new neighbors were talking about me.
Thinking about it later, I realized that time was only part of the problem. My personality was the other part. I am an introverted person and get energy from being by myself. Can an introverted person serve as a pastor? Well, they can, and I happen to know a lot of them. Most face the same dilemma my neighbor and I face: we are often too busy to interact with people outside those we already know and serve.
I have learned one thing well in the past several years: If I want the people I lead to be evangelistic, I must be evangelistic. It is not enough to talk, teach or preach about it. It must be something I do, and the best place to begin is to get to know my neighbors.
I have experimented in this area for a while and have learned a principle that has helps. I call it the Principle of Obligation.
I have learned that the walls people build that keep them from relationship begin to crumble after a series of favors and returned favors. By asking a favor from a neighbor, I obligate myself to that neighbor. Once obligated, my neighbor is inclined to allow me to repay the obligation. Then, of course, he is obligated to me and is quick to lend his hand when I again ask a favor from him. I've found it helps my neighbor and me interact enough times that a relationship begins to form.
I can sympathize with the pastor who lives next door to me. I understand him. I understand his situation. I also know his behavior is hurting his efforts to positively influence the world for Christ. If the people of his congregation are following his lead, his church's evangelistic effectiveness probably mirrors his own. How do I know these things? I know them because they were my own experience for far too long.
Perhaps you struggle in this area too. If so, you've learned by now that your congregation tends to make friends for Jesus just like you do. Maybe it is time to try something new. Maybe you can run out of sugar on purpose. I bet your neighbor has some you can borrow.
