Preparing and sharing a simple meal around a table with family and friends is a lost art. Lives busy with work, entertainment, stress and long commutes make shared meals seemingly impossible. Yet nothing can have as much impact in building healthy community.
The US Department of Health and Human Services provides some interesting findings about the benefits of sharing family meals on their website, A Family Guide to Keeping Youth Mentally Healthy & Drug Free:
- According to the 2000 Teen Survey conducted by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University (CASA), children who do not eat dinner with their families are 61 percent more likely to use alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs. By contrast, children who eat dinner with their families every night of the week are 20 percent less likely to drink, smoke, or use illegal drugs.
- Other research has shown that teens who eat frequent family dinners are less likely to have sex at young ages, get into fights, or be suspended from school, and they are at lower risk for thoughts of suicide.
- By eating with your children, it is more likely that they will eat healthier foods and more balanced meals.
- Dining together is a chance for parents and children to talk with one another. Parental influence and involvement is an important tool in preventing substance abuse. Regularly sitting down for a meal with your children is one way to connect with them and to be involved with what is happening in their lives.
A shared meal is not beneficial only to families with children. Shared meals can be simple but magnificently effective ways to build community among neighbors, small group members and people we know. Everyone has to eat; why not do it together? In Randy Frazee's new book, Making Room for Life, an entire chapter is dedicated to what Randy calls The Convivium (Latin for the word feast). Convivium moves us to think of sharing a meal as a celebration and as a sacred honor and privilege. Here is Randy's description of how a shared meal works at his home:
After we have said grace and the food is on each person's plate, we simply tell about our day. We start with the family member or friend sitting on my left. Each person starts with the time they got up and then chronologically unfolds the details. I have been utterly amazed at the value of this simple experience. One night a week we have a biblical or spiritual discussion. For these evenings, we usually invite a family from our neighborhood. Our church provides a simple study guide that can be used by a family to stimulate discussion around the same Scripture passage on which the upcoming Sunday's sermon is based. Everyone's idea is heard and gentle disagreement is encouraged. As a matter of fact, sometimes we invite half of the table to argue against the other side. The meal is not over until the table is cleared and the kitchen in cleaned. This ritual of cleaning does not fall on one person but to everyone who has partaken of the meal. It is a privilege and an extension of the festival. When this is completed, the mealtime is done for the day. Under normal circumstances, it will take from 6:00 P.M. to 8:00 P.M. to have a meal (from the setting of the table to the end of clean up). We all await the dawning of a new day with the promises of its successes and challenges, all to be shared that evening at the convivium. (pages 137-138)
Sharing a meal like this is not about entertaining. The goal of hospitality is not to impress with décor and delicacies. Sharing your day or ideas during the meal is the ultimate goal of shared time together. Being hospitable is the art of creating an atmosphere that encourages everyone to share, instead of everyone being in awe of your entertaining skills.
Consider starting a Convivium in your home once a week. Begin with just your family or a few friends. After a few weeks, consider inviting some of your small group or a few neighbors to share a meal. This is not a bible study or an evening when any presentation is made, simply a meal shared and enjoyed. If this seems too difficult, try once or twice a month, but remember, less often means less opportunity for interaction and community.
Consider these suggestions for making Shared Meals easy, enjoyable and effective:
- Keep Things Simple—Soups or Casseroles are great. Check out Cooking for Comfort : More Than 100 Wonderful Recipes That Are as Satisfying to Cook as They Are to Eat by Marian Burros or Lost Recipes : Meals to Share with Friends and Family by Marion Cunningham for ideas of simple but delicious meals.
- Share preparation and cleanup—Most hosts or hostesses take pride in refusing help before or after the meal. Help should be invited to make things easier and to allow for kitchen and dishwashing community. Share the work of dishes, putting away of chairs, etc. Many hands, light work.
- Invite a Friend—Seek to invite someone new. New people mean new stories and discoveries.
- Say Grace—Take it as a sacred honor and duty to join hands and thank God for good food and good people.
- Unpack your day—Go around the table and have each person share one good thing and/or one bad thing that went on in their day. This can often flower into deep and meaningful conversation and community.
- Read a Psalm or a Story – Do not teach a lesson, but if appropriate, read something short and inspirational. Invite others to join you in the reading.
- The Best/The Worst – Invite each person to share the absolute best thing or absolute worst thing that happened in his or her day. Applause or sympathy moans are encouraged.
- Sunday's Sermon – Simply ask each person present to share one thing that they enjoyed or needed more help with regarding what was learned on Sunday in church.
- Question Monkey – Consider placing a single question in a recipe holder (We use a little wooden monkey with a tail that holds an index card) about which each person at the table will give their thoughts and opinions. At the end of the meal, someone is given the Question Monkey and they are responsible to supply the question for the next Convivium.
- Announce other Activities—Without strong-arming or pressure, invite people to other things that are going on in your small group, church or neighborhood. Letting the table know about a service project, a book study, or a ball game lets people know that you would like to see more of them and that they are included.
- Share a Toast—Have everyone raise his or her glass (of milk, water, Coke or whatever) and pronounce something profound or even silly that all can "drink to." Allow someone different to perform this duty each week.
- End the meal—Consider creating some kind of tradition that signifies the end of the time around the table. Sing a song, say a prayer, have a group hug, issue a challenge or do a table game, something to officially end a good time of eating together.
- Hang out—Encourage people to stay, chat, play, or go for a walk.
- Invite to the Next Meal—Make the time and place clear, especially if you rotate homes among group members.
Sharing meals should not become burdensome. Do not attempt to do all that is mentioned above in one meal. Make the meal simple enough so that conversation and interaction can be the "main course." Consider making this a regular part of your family and small group's life. You will discover another layer of blossoming community when you make mealtime a shared experience rather than just another mad dash through some fast food chain on your way to an event or program. A simple meal shared together on a regular basis may just be the beginning of some amazing community!
For more ideas about Making Room for Life and the building of Biblical Community, check out the resources that are available at www.theconnectingchurch.org.
