I once visited a small group at the palatial home of a deacon and his family. The trappings were upscale, but a soup kitchen would have been nicer. I felt as unnecessary as fake greenery as I tried to nervously relate with the humongous group of over 30 people. The deacon managed to pretend I was invisible, shaking my hand while peering over my shoulder. His wife merely glared at me as she delivered snacks. One word for my experience was "hostile."
Sadly, my bad small group experience is not uncommon. Many give up on church entirely when they have a bad small group experience. Thankfully, I persevered to find a better small group and eventually rose up to lead my own. It has been my experience that understanding the importance of hospitality is paramount because souls of people are at stake. Further, knowing how to show hospitality to others is imperative if we want our small groups to thrive.
What is Hospitality?
Hospitality is about welcoming guests in a friendly manner and showing genuine care for their comfort. As Arnold H. Glasow put it, "Some folks make you feel at home. Others make you wish you were." Being hospitable is the act of making others feel as though they were in their own homes—only better. It's the little things that count, and it all stems from the heart.
Why Be Hospitable?
As small group facilitators, it is crucial that we cultivate a warm environment for our guests in order to show them the love of Christ (John 13:34). Hospitality is the outflow of love and unity among our brothers and sisters in Christ in the midst of a cold and cruel world. It is saying to our guests, "You are safe here. Relax! We love you and we are not here to judge you".
Since my small group horror, I have gotten married and expanded my territory. My husband and I now have a small group of our own. We lead the teenagers at our local church—never a dull moment! Teens are especially sensitive to the tone of the group and will tell you when they feel unwelcome. We are constantly checking our attitudes and actions toward our youth group members, making sure that we are walking in love and showing them how happy we are to have them with us.
According to Gary Smalley, "Love is a verb." Likewise, hospitality requires action. We have got to know the protocol in order to properly convey to our guests that we want them to stay around and that we are grateful for their presence. Here are 10 tips that have helped us. Hopefully they will help you too.
- Prayer. Pray for the right mindset before you minister to God's people. There are times when we cannot be hospitable in our own strength. It is then that we must humble ourselves and ask for God's strength to take over. (Cor. 12:9 NIV)
- Plan ahead. Discuss scriptures you will cover in advance. Try to make arrangements for refreshments to be ready in advance so that the group can be the entire focus for the meeting.
- Give good instructions. Keep a good line of communication with your members to remind them of upcoming meetings. Provide good directions to the meeting place, along with details such as starting and ending times.
- Keep group size small. In my cell group horror, the group was over 30 people. The more people you have, the less opportunity you will have for ministry and the more risk you take of leaving someone out. Divide large groups into smaller groups for better intimacy and fellowship.
- Greet people when they arrive. Let the love of God shine through you when your guests arrive. Greet your guests with warm hugs and handshakes. If possible, open the door before they knock. Tell them you are glad they came.
- Remembering the individuals. Keep notes on your guests. Record their names, needs, and prayer requests. Recalling facts about their lives in conversation shows you care about them, and this will help them to trust you so that you can minister to them.
- Show a servant's heart. Ask your leaders and apprentices to help in getting visitors acclimated to the group. Get regulars to pitch in to assure everyone has full drinks and is comfortable.
- Direct the meeting. Obviously the small group leader should bring up the topic of discussion and should keep the conversation flowing. It is also good to gently steer the conversation away from those who are overly talkative. If someone is quiet, ask for that person's opinion from time to time.
- Avoid favoritism. Make each guest valued, loved and appreciated, and do not have favorites. (Gal. 2:6) If you see someone being left out, introduce that person to others in the group as a courtesy.
- Bring the evening to an end. Close your meeting on a strong note, offering your guests the option of staying a little longer for fellowship or leaving. Say good-bye to everyone personally. Invite them to come back again.
