The small group my husband and I led shared prayer needs at the end of each meeting. Jeff or I usually asked if one or two people wanted to pray for the prayer requests. Tony and Brooke, a young married couple, had been in our group for a few short months. Brooke had come to Christ a few years earlier, but Tony had only been a Christ follower for a short period of time. He was a friendly guy but was very quiet, and I was sensitive to the fact that the entire church scene was a completely new experience for him.
I wanted him to feel comfortable in our small group, and, for this reason, I had never called on him to pray. When he volunteered one evening, I was surprised and delighted. There was a large pause and then he dove in: "Uh, Dear God, uh, thank you for being with us today and, and, be with …"He paused and then started again. "Dear Lord … " He said, and then broke off again with a heavy sigh. I waited patiently, reluctant to assist him. I did not want him feel as if he was not doing a good job. I sat quietly hoping he might find the words. After these few false starts, he said in a slightly panicked voice, "I need a little help here."
Delighted by his child-like honesty, I squelched a chuckle. "You're doing great," I said, and several other group members affirmed him as well. Then I helped him finish his prayer. After we concluded, I praised him again. "Thanks for volunteering to do that. You did a great job. It's really scary at first, but you'll get better with practice. The important thing is to remember that you are just talking to God like you would to anyone else."
The experience with Tony taught me a lesson in discipling. Sometimes people remain on the sidelines because it is intimidating when others have more experience and may know how to do it better. It is crucial to be sensitive to less experienced Christ followers. In Tony's case, he wanted to pray but did not know how.
There are several things we can do as leaders to help disciple people who want to learn how to pray:
- Experiment with different approaches. This might include letting everyonetake turns praying for one need or asking one person to pray for all the needs
Occasionally ask quieter members who do not volunteer if they would like to try praying. Never pressure them to participate - Devote an evening to talking about praying. This might include teaching them the ACTS method of adoration, confession, thanksgiving and supplication based on Christ's prayer in the garden of Gethsemane (Matt. 6:9) or looking at the parable of the Pharisee or tax gatherer (Luke 18: 9-14) regarding our attitude and approach to prayer.
- Explain what praying is—basically expressing our thoughts aloud to God.
- Model simple prayer, avoiding fancy or antiquated language. Thee's and Thou's tend to perplex people.
- Be ready to praise the inexperienced person for praying and step in to help if they ask.
- Do not correct someone for doing a poor job. They will get better with practice.
Sometimes people do not get involved because they have never been asked. This can also be true regarding prayer. Do not be afraid to ask people if they want to pray. They can always say "no". By asking, we give them the chance to practice talking to God on behalf of themselves and others, and it teaches them to move from spectator to participant.
