Affinity: A natural attraction, liking, or feeling of kinship; relationship by alliance.
For years, small groups have formed around affinities—retirees, young parents, empty nesters,singles, business professionals, sports groups, etc.
Whether it is age, vocation, family status, hobbies, or personal interests, affinities have proven to create the context that helps all types of groups form relationships and bond into a community. But is the end goal to get a small group to just bond?"
Consider Jesus' twelve disciples. When Jesus first called them, what was His purpose for this group? Was it to do Old Testament study and discover affinities they had with one another? To be sure, Jesus was a master teacher. Additionally, there were some affinity factors that helped them bond. They were all Jewish men, all from the region of Galilee (with the exception of possibly Judas Iscariot), but that's where most of the initial affinity stops. The group of first disciples had a great deal of variety in vocations, temperaments, political ideologies, and family status. Some of those differences would have certainly been a barrier to affinity. And indeed, scripture records more tension among the disciple group than affinity.
Scripture would lead us to believe that discovering affinity while doing a study was not Jesus purpose for this group. Jesus, in perhaps his most urgent prayer for His disciple group prayed this: "Now I am departing the world; I am leaving them behind and coming to you. Holy Father, keep them and care for them—all those you have given me—so that they will be united just as we are. … I have told them many things while I was with them so they would be filled with my joy. I have given them your word. And the world hates them because they do not belong to the world, just as I do not. … As you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world. … I am praying not only for these disciples but also for all who will ever believe in me because of their testimony. My prayer for all of them is that they will be one, just as you and I are one, Father—that just as you are in me and I am in you, so they will be in us, and the world will believe you sent me." John 17:11-21
Oneness: Relationship characterized by unity of purpose and love even in the face of extreme opposition.
Jesus prayed the oneness of the disciples would be comparable to that of Trinity!
After Jesus prayed for His disciples, and just before Jesus ascended back to heaven, he told them, "I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matt. 28:18-20
Commission: authority to carry out a special assignment.
A shared mission we have together to make disciples of Jesus.
In small groups, affinity, kinship, or even friendship is not the goal; they are only stepping stones to something far more important: oneness and commission.
Jesus' sacrifice and the coming of the Holy Spirit made oneness possible…a oneness that is a picture of God's love to the world "so they will believe." But He didn't stop there. He gave us a commission to carry out in community together. And that commission is to make disciples "as we go." I can get caught in the trap of somehow thinking that is the job of someone else in the church and not our small group. Your group may be great at affinity but not have embraced your commission if…
- Your group of young parents loves to be together and have agreed to rotate children's devotions and childcare among the adults in the group in the group covenant, yet several are unwilling to volunteer to be with the kids.
- Your group of 18 adults wants to keep meeting during the summer because there's still plenty of people that come even with several on vacation each week, yet the group won't hear of multiplying the group in the Fall when the living room is full to overflowing.
- Your group has been meeting together for three years and always has someone eager to plan social nights for the group, yet there isn't anyone who is motivated to plan a group service project.
- Your group of eight adults could easily add a couple of individuals, but won't, for fear of disturbing the group's relational intimacy.
Do these groups have affinity? Very likely. Do these groups have Biblical oneness in community? Possibly, at least in the sense that some of the "one anothers" of Scripture are being lived out. But for many groups, embracing the great commission may be a wall they can't get over!
Without question, the process of affinity to oneness to commission takes time. Affinity definitely can lead to mission, but many times it doesn't. Groups form, bond around affinities, become loyal to one another, become protective of group status, drift towards ingrowness, stagnate, and then sometimes dissolve.
Experience reveals and research confirms that group relationships and group bonds remain the most healthy when a group keeps moving through the journey of discovering affinity, building oneness in community, and embracing their mission to carry out the great commission. Affinity is only a stepping stone along that journey. Where is your group right now in that journey?
