True confessions … with all the recent news about cloning, the thought has actually crossed my mind: Boy, I sure do wish I could clone several of the "sharper" couples who are leading small groups in our church.
I know, I know … the whole cloning idea is morally and ethically repugnant. I would not actually resort to that technology even if it was 100% foolproof, but the fact is this: gifted, experienced, God-loving couples with a passion to lead small groups are few and far between. Therefore, when we church leaders discover a husband-wife team with a solid marriage and a growing walk with God, what do we do? We tend to load them down with responsibilities and work them to death! Is it not ironic that the very systems and ministries we put in place to try to build strong marriages and families, sometimes have the unintended effect of hurting the couples who lead them?
Since cloning is not an option (and since it takes time to develop new couples for leadership roles), we need to make sure we take good care of the marriages and families of our leaders. How do we do that?
Here are some practical thoughts:
Guard!—The Apostle Paul urged us to, "look out … for the interests of others" (Philippians 2:4, NASV). By way of application, this means we must absolutely refuse to resort to guilt or pressure tactics in our own recruiting. It also means we will need to stand up for those personality types who cannot say "no," and who are easily manipulated into more and more church involvement. You will need to guard these good-hearted couples from zealous staff members or pushy committee heads. Let your lead couples know it really is okay to turn down additional responsibilities. Also, keep an eye out for those compassionate leaders who get unhealthily obsessed with "saving the world" or wrongly think it is their job to single-handedly "rescue" the drowning marriages in their own groups.
Stay in touch!—Proverbs 27:23 warns "Be sure you know the condition of your flocks … " Other Bible passages remind us that good shepherds are aware, alert and observant. The point? A good small group director or coach knows what is happening in the lives of his leaders. When is the last time you called a leader or had lunch with no "ministry" agenda, just the simple goal of "listening" and "catching up" on his/her family life?
Emphasize rest!—God built a work-rest rhythm into the universe and into the calendar that we violate at our own peril. Jesus told his men to "come … apart … and rest awhile" (Mark 6:31, KJV), prompting one old preacher to observe, "If we don't come apart and rest, we'll eventually just come apart." Do you model this spiritual discipline yourself? Are you a driven-type person? Is your own family showing signs of a bit too much church activity and stress? Do you burden your leaders with excessive meetings and training times? Do you give your good leaders "sabbaticals"—extended time off every few years to recharge? Guess what. Despite our fears, if we model and encourage rest, the ministry will not sputter and die. On the contrary, the absence of a "stud" couple often creates the opportunity for other couples to step forward and grow in new ways!
Affirm & appreciate!— Someone once said, "I can go two months on one good compliment." How true! Genuine expressions of gratitude and encouragement motivate us and give us a second wind, especially when they come from a respected leader. The Apostle Paul's letters are filled with such warm words of love and devotion. "I always thank God for you" (1 Corinthians 1:4). "We were encouraged … because of your faith" (1 Thessalonians 3:7). Imagine how thrilled these first century leaders must have been to hear such words from their mentor! Think how much affirming phone calls, emails and notes could mean to the leaders under your care.
Release & bless!—One of the gifted couples I had fleeting dreams of cloning dropped a bombshell in my lap. They wanted to stop leading an adult couples group so they could volunteer instead with the youth group (their kids are now high school-aged). I was torn. If I went along with their plan, I would lose one of my best couples in terms of small group leadership, but if I balked, their close-knit family would be pulled in several directions. Gulping, I released them with my blessing. Then, I had to keep reminding myself, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. He will provide the new couples and leaders we need. This is His ministry. Christ is building His church, and He has the prerogative to move his workers where He needs them most."
Pray—It is vital that we intercede for those on the front lines of ministry. Under the leadership of Christ, our group leaders have been commissioned to destroy the works of the devil (1 John 3:8). It follows, then, that they are prime targets of his subtle schemes and vicious counter-attacks. They need a continual covering of prayer to be effective. Are you standing in the gap for your leaders, their marriages and children?
How do we make sure we have an adequate supply of small group leaders with healthy marriages and families? By caring … not cloning.
