At Northeast Christian Church, we call our small groups "Life Groups." It's a great title.
In Life Groups we "do life together."
Life change happens best in Life Groups.
Life Groups get involved in real life by serving our community.
And … well, sometimes life happens in Life Groups.
Participation in a small group is mostly a positive and rewarding experience, but let's face it, small groups are often fraught with conflict, tension, and problems. Small groups are, by nature, made up of an assortment of people with different backgrounds, personalities, experiences, and even beliefs. Because of this, they are going to face conflict. Put any ten people in a room together, even the best ten people you know, and they will eventually face some conflict and tension.
Some might be saying, "But the small groups we're talking about are Christian small groups. They're supposed to be spiritual." That brings up a couple points we should discuss.
First, conflict is not necessarily evil. Spiritual people can be in conflict with one another, even angry with one another, without sinning. The Lord is slow to anger (Numbers 14:18), yet He does get angry with us. He is in relationship with us, and anger is an emotion that is often involved in relationship. The Old Testament records God's anger with those He loved over and over again. However, we are told, "in your anger do not sin" (Psalm 4:4; Ephesians 4:26), so as a leader, you must use discernment to know the difference between conflict, anger, and sin. Deal with conflict to avoid sin. Deal directly with sin. Did Jesus ever have conflict with His disciples? Yes, often, it seems, yet that group is the prototype for all Christian groups. It is the way the conflict is handled that is important.
Second, you must recognize that there may be evil inherent in the conflict. Do not be naïve about the spiritual battle that is raging and that can infiltrate your group. Your group is involved in a bigger battle that is going on in the world all around us, a war between good and evil, between God and His adversary, Satan. To fail to acknowledge this fact can prove deadly for you and your group.
Conflict is part of our natural world. It occurs simply because God has given us freedom to choose. He has given us a free will. I used to think there must be no conflict in Heaven, yet Scripture says differently. It talks about a rebellion that happened long ago when Satan and a third of the angels chose to rebel against God. There was war in Heaven. God's side won, of course, and Satan and his angelic army was cast out. (See Ezekiel 28.) Ever since, they have turned on those who align themselves with God.
Our free will allows us to have conflict and division, yet one of God's highest desires for His people is unity (Psalm 133:1; John 17:23; Romans 15:5; Ephesians 4; Colossians 3:14). Satan and his evil forces want nothing more than to destroy that unity through conflict and division, especially conflict that leads to sin.
As a small group leader, what do you do? Here are just a few brief suggestions. You will find lots more on this topic in other articles in this issue as well as in other articles on SmallGroups.com.
- Pray. When your group or any participants face conflict,hit your knees! Prayer is the strongest instrument available to us because it brings God in on the issue at hand.
- Be prepared for the battle. Remember that you are at war, and unresolved conflict is one of your enemy's tactics to disarm, demoralize, and defeat us. God has provided all the implements of battle we need. Read about them in Ephesians 6. Use them daily!
- Stay involved. When conflict arises, follow the Scriptural principles found in Matthew 18:15-20 and elsewhere in God's Word. Do not let conflict fester, wishfully thinking it will just go away. That's how conflict turns into sin.
- Communicate. Help parties see both sides. Help participants live out Philippians 2, in humility considering others better than themselves, looking out not only for their own interests but also the interests of others.
- Love. Remember that unity is not the absence of conflict or problems. It is the ability to resolve those conflicts because we love one another as ourselves. We love one another as God loves us—unconditionally. God's Word says that over all the virtues we should "put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
Yes, life happens in small groups, and there may be much more behind it than meets the eye. Therefore, be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around small groups like a roaring lion looking to devour you. Do not let that scare or intimidate you. Rather, resist him, and stand firm in your faith. Know that your situation is not an exception to the rule. It is the rule. More than anything else, remember to give this to God because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7-9).
