Small Groups

Sarah was facing her biggest nightmare. She had resisted leading a small group for years because she lacked confidence in her ability to give wise counsel to the problems of others. Her pastor had finally convinced her that she did not need to worry. "It rarely happens", he told her. She has been an excellent leader, and her group has grown closer. Lately, however, group members have become more open and are turning to her to solve their problems. She has spent hours on the phone with several members of the group. After one late night "crisis" conversation, she slept through her alarm, missed an important meeting, and was reprimanded at work. She felt deceived and abandoned by her pastor. He had not prepared her for this. Feeling inadequate and overwhelmed, she felt her only way out was to resign as a leader and to leave the group. How did this happen? What went wrong? What did she do to get into this mess? What could have been done to prevent her sense of impending doom and failure?

Several things were missing or minimized in Sarah's preparation to become a small group leader.

• No one told her what was expected of her in providing care for her group members and in helping them with their problems.
  
  
• No one had given her a basis or trained her in the "how-tos" of helping others.
  
  
• She did not know how to set healthy boundaries for herself.
  
  
• She had never seen a leader model pastoral care in a small group.
  
  

It does not take long to learn that the fear of handling basic pastoral care for group members is one of the biggest barriers to recruiting and retaining small group leaders. Therefore, it is important to help both the novice and experienced leader understand their role in providing pastoral care in their group. Over many years, and from a variety of sources, (many of them forgotten now), I have found the following information helpful in both calming and arming leaders to appropriately meet the care needs of their group members.

In addition, I make it a practice to give each leader a copy of The Billy Graham Christian Worker's Handbook (Billy Graham Evangelistic Association) upon completion of their initial training. I call it a graduation gift. I feel the content, format, and diversity of this resource makes it more user-friendly and applicable to small group pastoral care needs and situations than other resources I have used in the past.

Here is what leaders need to be prepared to meet the basic pastoral care needs of their group members.

First, they need to know their role is to bear burdens…not to carry loads.

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you may also be tempted. Carry each other's burdens (baros) and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself without comparing himself to somebody else. For each one should carry his own load (phortion)." Galatians 6:1-5

If we understand the "law of Christ" referring to our call to

"love one another as I (Christ) have loved you", then we need to see the distinction between the Greek word for "burden" (baros) and "load" (phortion) used in the New International Version.

This passage tells us that we are to bear one another's burdens (sufferings). That is, we should come alongside and support a person emotionally. We can do this by listening to, encouraging, and praying with people who are experiencing pain or testing.

However, this same passage indicates that each person is responsible for carrying his or her own load of problems. When we take responsibility for another's problems, we do it at the expense of their self-respect, their self-esteem, and their sense of self-responsibility.

(Edited excerpt from: Learning to Care — Small Groups As A Path To Community, Richard Peace & Thom Corrigan - Pilgrimage Training Group — Littleton, Colorado - p.70)

Next, with this knowledge, they should be helped to see their responsibility for pastoral care is limited to the members of their group but not for them.

They are responsible to:

• Love (John 13:34)
• Be devoted to and honor (Romans 12:10)
• Live in harmony with (Romans 12:16)
• Serve (Galatians 5:13)
• Submit to (Ephesians 5:21)
• Bear with and forgive (Colossians 3:13)

They are not responsible for:

• Making people happy
• Fixing people's problems
• The way a person responds or behaves

(Edited excerpt from: Learning To Care: Small Groups As A Path To Community - Richard Peace & Thom Corrigan - Pilgrimage Training Group — Littleton, Colorado - p.24)

Finally, they need to recognize the ultimate goal of their care giving and a process for overcoming the obstacles to achieving their goals.

1. The ultimate goal of their care giving is to bring men and women to Christ-likeness. (Romans 8:29)
   
   
   • Healing is the result of seeking the Lord. It is not the goal. In some cases, healing is impeded by those who want to get a quick fix.
   • The goal is to help their members think and to do what the Lord wants. This opens them up for God's power to make the necessary changes (Romans 2:4) and hastens Christ's healing.
   • In some cases, leaders may need to realize that the persons' struggle may never be eliminated while on this earth. This thorn in the flesh needs to be given to God for "His grace is sufficient." (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)
2. The cause of all emotional problems is the substitution of a self-generated solution for the sufficiency of Christ.
   
   
   • Everyone has the need for: (1) Relationship (love); (2) Importance (a reason to live)
   • However, no one and nothing except Christ can meet that need (Colossians 1:27). Therefore, our substitutions for Christ (human love, achievement, etc.) are what produce our problems (Isaiah 53:6). While victims of abuse or dysfunction have been violated, they must see that their response to the abuse is their biggest obstacle to freedom.
3. The most normal human response to life's problems and struggles is the avoidance of pain.
   
   
   • Until people (victims and strugglers) are willing to face the pain of victimization, neglect, and poor choices, their problems will remain.
   • People need to accept the biblical principle that entering into death (facing and dealing with their pain and sin) will eventually lead to life (John 12:24).
   • Willful avoidance of pain (either the problem itself or the result of a "substitute" solution) must be confessed as sin (1 John 1:8; Matthew 25:24-26).
4. The Holy Spirit is the only source and provider of lasting change. As His helpers, we are totally dependent upon His grace, wisdom, and strength. (John 14:16-17)
   
   
   • The caregiver needs God's wisdom (James 1:5) and must cover in prayer all efforts to help. While it is wise to pray with the person in need, caregivers should also pray for themselves.
   • Some problems are spiritual in nature and will require authoritative prayer.
   • Sometimes the best answer to a person's need is to direct them to a biblically-based support or recovery group. If no group dealing with their issue exists, it may be appropriate to help get a group started.
5. Restoration is a process of renewing the mind. (Romans 12:2) The Scriptures and biblical principles must be consistently ingested. (John 8:32)
   
   
   • In most cases, since there is a distorted image of God, helpers should "re-explain" the true God.
   • As helpers, we should model (this principle and all others) by asking the Lord for His thoughts and by applying His word.
6. Every person needs a supportive group. (Galatians 6:2)
   
   
   • Care giving is best provided through multiple relationships (a group) rather than one-on-one relationships.
   • In some cases, we may need to help someone find or start a group to help deal with unique or specific needs.
7. Some issues go beyond what is expected of a leader and their abilities to provide pastoral care in a small group. People dealing with these issues should be referred to the care of a specialist.
   
   
   • Small group leaders should feel free to direct group members to trained pastors in their church.
   • Churches can provide small group leaders with a list of Christian counselors approved for referrals.

When leaders understand what is and is not expected of them, they are more at ease. They can communicate early and clearly to group members what level of pastoral care they are able and willing to provide. Properly prepared leaders are able to set limits and supply care at a level in which they feel comfortable and capable of providing. In addition, appropriate supervision and ongoing training will prolong a leader's ministry and extend the church's potential for pastoral care.