Back in the 60s, Billy Graham asserted that the eleven o'clock hour on Sunday is the most segregated hour of the week. Of course, he was talking about racial and ethnic issues, but there is another segregation that has been going on in church for many years: the segregation of our households. Today in many, if not most, of our church's worship services, our kids stay with their parents until _________. In some churches, that blank is just after the children's chat. In others, it is until mom or dad walks the tot to the nursery or Kid's Church in another part of the building. Today's church is sadly notorious for adding to the fragmentation of the family. Why not? Fragmentation is part-and-parcel of our Western society.
Think about it. Not only are kids banished from the worship service, Sunday school is age graded—just like in "real" school. We segregate our children from most church activities, from virtually every form of Christian education, and from many of our fellowship events—Youth groups, Middlers, Juniors, Church Camp, and the list goes on.
Our small groups are no different. The church has been segregating small groups at least since their modern inception when John Wesley divided his "Classes" by both gender and age. The church has been guilty of "asundering" for a long time.
There has been a move stirring below the fabric of society to reassemble the family. I am not aware of any serious lobbying, but some Christians are beginning to question some of what has been the norm for so long. They are looking for ways to re-assimilate their households. In that vein, there is a movement underfoot which I call the rise of Village Groups (from "It takes a village to raise a child."). A Village Group is an intergenerational small group that embraces family in ways that often seems counterintuitive to those raised in the church.
What is a Village Group?
Typically, a Village Group looks nothing like what most church people would call a "small group." In North America, a small group is generally age-segregated and specifically task-oriented. For instance, the most common small group in the US is the Bible study group. Bible studies, by definition, study the Bible. That is why they exist. It is what they do. Probably the second-most common small group is the fellowship group. These groups get together to fellowship. Sometimes these groups are called dinner groups. Sometimes they are called interest groups. Regardless of their title, they exist primarily to put people of like-faith together, and they are most likely to be of similar age. Probably the distant-third most common group is the prayer group.
Do not misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with any of these small groups. They nearly always accomplish what they set out to do. People study the Bible, become better acquainted, and/or pray.
A Village Group does all of this, but, ultimately, they do much more. Village Groups gather purposely to share their lives together. However, there is more to that definition than meets the eye. By looking at it piece by piece, you will get a better picture of what Village Groups set out to accomplish.
Village Groups Gather…
Village Groups do not meet. Instead, they gather. Sounds like semantics, but there is a subtle difference. (A quick show of hands of those who love meetings…anyone? anyone?) One of the most common complaints by those heavily involved in "church" is that there are too many meetings to go to and not enough effective ministry taking place. Instead of meeting together to accomplish a task such as a Bible study, prayer, etc., Village Groups get together just because.
Purposefully…
Do not be fooled into thinking that a Village Group gathering is an afterthought. They are not. Village Groups gather purposely. Whereas most small groups in North America meet weekly, Village Groups, in whole or in part, gather together several times during the week. Although most Village Groups meet on a certain day at a certain time at a certain place, group members tend to be rather close-knit. We might even call them friends. They enjoy each other's company enough that some may get together for coffee, lunch, or dinner now and again. They chat on the phone. They "text" each other. They party together. Not exclusively, by any means, but they build relationships that tend to be closer than those in the average church small group.
However, they do not just gather for whatever. Village Groups gather with an agenda. You could call that agenda discipleship. You could call it accountability. You could call it practicing the "One Anothers." 1 You would be right in all of these. The agenda of Village Groups is to help and encourage each other to become more effective disciples of Jesus. Every time any of the Village Group gathers, in whatever configuration, the conversation is sprinkled with an intentionality of faith.
To Share Their Lives Together…
It is not about Bible study. It is not about prayer. It is not about fellowship. It is not even about getting a task done. All of these may take place in a Village Group gathering. Indeed, in their regular weekly gathering, all of these will likely take place, but these tasks are not the group's focus. Instead, Village Groups gather to share their lives together.
They share their ups, and they share their downs. They share their struggles, and they share their concerns. As they do, they are cared for, mentored, held accountable, comforted, confronted, and loved all with the goal of raising faithful, obedient, and effective disciples of Jesus.
What about the "Fractured Family"?
So far, a Village Group probably sounds like almost many other small groups. However, Village Groups tend to be intergenerational. Instead of dividing a family, Village Groups bring them together. At a typical gathering, a Village Group may have a combination of infants, primaries, middlers, youth, marrieds, singles, and seniors with everyone else in between.
We will address the how-to's in a moment, but before we get there, let us deal with the objections that many churched people raise.
•Â Children would be a distraction.
There is no doubt about it, children can be distracting. They want, yea demand, attention. In the North American culture, they do not comply well to the "be seen and not heard" preference of some adults, and they do not sit still well.
Part of the issue with children in a small group is the small group paradigm itself. If we liken our get-togethers to today's classrooms, children are definitely in-the-way distractions. Village Groups operate with a different paradigm that may best be described as the Christmas paradigm. In most homes, children on Christmas morning are not a distraction—they are a joy. Even though the adults have adult conversations; even though there's a number of traditional "tasks" to be accomplished (from cooking to taking the wrapping paper to the recycling bin); even though the Christmas story has to be told and talked about, it all gets done even with the children in the room.
Village Groups let children be children, but, like Christmas, the traditions of the day are carefully kept.
•Â Children should not be exposed to adult issues.
There is no doubt there are some issues that are not children's issues. If Carl is flirting with an affair, and the Village Group is working with Carl, children should not be a part of the conversation. On the other hand, most discussions in a Village Group are about making faithful life decisions at work, at home, and at play. They are discussions about how God is impacting their lives and how to make even the most basic of decisions in keeping with God's will. These are the very issues in which most of us have not had a chance to be mentored. What a gift to give our children!
•Â Children do not learn like adults.
Early in our history, parents took the responsibility of raising and educating their children. Later, they pooled their children in a one-room school where a teacher taught the older children who taught the younger children. Later still, we divided the children by age and education. It remains to be seen how successful the latter model will be, especially in the church.
The fact is, children don not learn like adults, but, in general, they are a lot brighter than we give them credit for. It is amazing how much children pick up just by listening to those around them (most manage to learn English this way). When given the opportunity to participate, though their questions or insights are often elementary, they are no less profoundly affected by positive adult interactions.
Some How To's of a Village Group
Every Village Group I have ever visited is as different as night and day. No two of them have even been close. However, there are some common themes and behaviors in most of them. The following is the top ten list of some of these commonalities.
- Prayer punctuates everything. When someone brings up an issue in their life, whether it is a decision to be made, a celebration, or a need, prayer happens right there, right then.
- Village Group members are intentionally active in personal Bible study during the week so they do not turn to the small group as their primary Christian educational opportunity.
- Trust is a Village Group's watchword and practice. They are safe places to share life, struggles, concerns, doubts, frustrations, etc. They are places where Christians are intentional about living lives of faith 24/7—in the good and the not-so-good.
- The Bible is used as a reference book for life and is referred to both often and in context of people's lives. It is not used as a weapon, but as an encouragement.
- Most Village Groups meet at mealtimes and share a meal together, thus the weekly gathering is longer than an hour, sometimes as long as three or more. However, people leave when they need to, and there is no stigma in the leaving.
- Although there is no "order of service" at a Village Group gathering, in time, the group settles into their own traditions (dinner first, singing, sharing what is going on in life, conversations around the Bible, etc.).
- Village Group members hang out and keep in touch with each other during the week.
- Children are encouraged to participate but also have activities within the gathering space that they can participate in (such as coloring, reading, drawing, crafts, and even quiet conversation).
- When there is a time of teaching, sometimes the older adults teach the younger adults, who in turn teach the older youth, who teach the middlers, who teach the elementaries, who teach the youngest ones. Intergenerational mentoring has a history of effectiveness.
- Because there is no set agenda or curriculum, Village Groups are generally permeable and visitors are welcomed (encouraged).
Are village groups for everyone? Perhaps not, but if you are concerned with the fracturing of the family, they just might be one of the tools that helps to repair the rift.
1 The One Anothers are the over forty one another instructions found in the New Testament that include specifics about how Christians should treat each other.
